I know I’m being successful when …

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I know I’m being successful when:

  1. I can be generous in giving and gifting.
  2. I have complete control over my time.
  3. I’m regularly ticking items off my bucket list.
  4. I feel a sense of momentum—moving in the direction I want, at the speed I want.
  5. I play hooky during “work hours” with my wife or kids.
  6. I am fully present at my kids’ events.
  7. I get mentally healthier and stronger every year.
  8. I get physically healthier and stronger every year.
  9. I’m getting more capable at least every week—preferably every day.

“Being self-determined means that you’ve made yourself the reference point, rather than measuring yourself against something external.”—Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy in their book The Gap and the Gain

In Chapter 2 of their book, Sullivan and Hardy challenge readers to spend 20 to 30 minutes with no distractions writing down their answers to this question: “I know I’m being successful when …”

It didn’t take me that long. Took me 10 minutes, tops, on a flight from Omaha to Atlanta.

“Defining your own success criteria is how you become self-determined. This is how you develop an internal reference system. You decide how you will measure yourself.”

Then what you have to do is stay in the GAIN and avoid the GAP.

Looking over my list, I’m not satisfied with the progress I’ve made in …

1) I can be generous in giving and gifting.

and

4) I feel a sense of momentum—moving in the direction I want, at the speed I want.

… AND, following Sullivan and Hardy’s advice, I can refocus my progress measurement on the GAIN rather than the GAP. That means I look backward from today to where I started in the areas of generosity and momentum, and I can see I’ve come a long way indeed.

Were I to measure my progress forward toward the ideal, I’d be in the GAP, because the ideal is an ever-moving target.

It’s even worse if you set the target as someone else’s achievement:

“External reference points make it impossible to feel successful because no matter what you’ve done, the success criteria are always moving.”

I considered a tenth “I’m being successful” criterion, written this way …

10) My wife and kids are flourishing, becoming everything God made them to be.

… but those are external reference points.

How do you define success?